Christian Penn

 His first mug shot. 

 I'm writing this and Christian Penn is already 10 months old. So I've come out of the moment and this may not be exactly how I felt in the moment. I know my hips hurt. My back hurt very early on. I blew up pretty fast that my mom and I wondered if I had two. I hated the first trimester. No one really loves it. I spent the entire summer in the pool before he was born and I felt far to lazy all the time. That being said...

 I kinda always love being pregnant. I bond with my babies while they are inside me. I love to feel them kick and move and I love to think about our lives together.

 He was a planned c-section. I go the only way I know how to go and have a baby. I hated this c-section. I could feel more of the movements and pulls than I cared for. It made me wonder just how quickly I might feel the actual pain of the surgery. Jason was so into watching it that the anesthesiologist took the role of calming me down. When they pulled him out and I heard his beautiful cry that was completely his own I felt tears forming in my eyes. Then I heard a nurse say "he has red hair!" I almost lost my mind. I LOVE red hair!! It's all I have ever wanted for my children. When she brought him to me...I didn't see red hair. But he stopped crying the moment I started to talk to him so I enjoyed that and forgot about the red hair claim.

 Meeting his brothers for the first time. They were over the moon!

 and so it turns out. He does have some red hair that likes to come shinning brightly in just the right light. :)

We love him. We love him! Oh, how we all love this baby of ours!!

These are my boys.

 Joseph is going into 2nd grade this year. 2nd grade! He is pushes me every day to be a better mom because he expects nothing but the best out of life. He is also forgiving of my short comings. He has a mind that is made for such deep thinking and he asks me all kinds of questions and most answers only lead him to ask more. He is always on the go and using his inquisitive personality for mischief. Although, he does not want to be singled out as the ringleader so he uses his great ability for delegation by asking his little brother if he wants to do something first  or ask mom for something.....He can often feel overwhelmed in life if things get to chaotic or if clear boundaries have not been laid out for him. He is my sensitive child who is also full of wildly boyish humor and loves to laugh. He is especially fun to be with on a one on one basis. He completely shines and beams with joy when he gets special time with you.

 Daniel will be turning 5 soon. I heard him tell a friend on the playground how he was 4 but almost 5 and I swear my heart fell out of my chest. I couldn't really believe my baby Daniel was almost 5. He was sent to earth to love his big brother better than any little brother ever has.He is the most selfless child I have ever seen. He totally gets that quality from his father. He has the sweetest voice ever. I've been told he sounds like garden fairies and mickey mouse! He loves to play rough and will often try to beat up his father and if he gets any reaction he screams out ''Joseph!!! It's wrestle time!!!" He is my personal snuggle buddy in the house where most do not like to give huge bear hugs like I do. His laugh is pretty contagious.

Introducing my littlest little. Christian Penn.
I've not given any account thus far so for the moment I will give a brief description of my boo boo bear. I think he deserves a birth post of his own. For now, you should know that he has changed my mind about babies. I've never had one so gentle and calm and who is sleeping and eating so well. And as every mother out there knows, these are amazing qualities to have as a infant who cannot tell you everything they want.

These are my boys.
they each are my loves.

forgivness

My sweet Joseph.

This kid keeps me on my toes at all times during the day. He is so inquisitive and smart and really knows how to stump me often. He has more energy than I can muster, which makes it hard to keep up with him. His brain is ever turning and questioning....which in turn makes his mouth speak ever so often.

Yesterday I had absolutely no patience for him and his thoughts and really wanted to talk to my sister Alison on the phone. He kept interrupting me and I finally had the thought to distract him from me.  I grabbed his journal and told him to write about art class. This would work!! Right???

A minute later he called my name and I turned towards him a bit irritated. I asked what he wanted and he wanted to know if he could write about something he likes instead. I said yes and left the room for my own privacy.

When I got off the phone I went to check on him and boy did the boy put me to shame. This was his journal entry.

I love mom. she is nice. because she is my mom. By Joseph

I've been thinking about this sweet kid all day now. I believe that being a mother and a parent can be one of the hardest things you do on earth. Not everyone is always open about how hard it is and I think we should be. So others aren't worried they are the only ones struggling. We all make mistakes and we all will have short comings and loose our patience with our children. But Heavenly Father knew that. I think that's why he made children so forgiving. Without my children's' constant forgiveness I would feel like a crappy mom all the time. Instead I get to ask for their forgiveness and evaluate myself and the way I treat them and vow to be a better mom tomorrow than I was today. I don't have so much pressure with worry and guilt because I know my boys forgive my shortcomings. So I need to be more like a little child and be more forgiving of their shortcomings...they are only 5 and 3 for goodness sakes!! I love that my young boys teach me such valuable lessons in life all the time. I want them to know, they are helping to shape me into the woman I am becoming. I am grateful for them.

I leave you with a scripture from the Book of Mormon that I've been reflecting on since yesterday.

Mosiah 3:19

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

Karate

Wanting to write every thought that fills my mind throughout the day and yet finding myself drawing a blank when I sit to compose them. This is typically how my post begin.


My childhood was a good one. Where I had so much freedom to be a child. To grow and learn from play with my sisters and cousins.  I want my boys to be able to experience their childhood without being pushed around from one event to another all because "it's so good for them" or "they will learn and grow from this".

I believe it is so good for them and they can learn and grow so much from experiencing family life together as a family. There is much to learn in the home environment. Every day task can bring a wealth of information to a little growing mind and soul. I hear parents complain  too often about how busy they are with all the sports and all the extra activities in their life. Then they turn to ask why I have yet to sign both of my boys up for such and such.


I have put Joseph in a karate class. It was not a easy decision for me to leap into this world of letting go of your children. But I knew it would be so good for his Sensory Processing. It has been really helpful with  his proprioceptive system and his vestibular senses. I think its even been good for auditory issues. I thought that putting him in this class for those issues far out weighed me wanting him to stay home. Its almost like a mini therapy session each time! He loveees going. What little boy doesn't want to learn karate?!? Daniel stands on the side lines and does all the moves with the class. Honestly if he could take the same class as Joseph I would sign him up too. But he can only start at age 5. I would justify both in the class if I didn't have to sacrifice any extra time.


So as I desperately do not want to get caught up in the whirlwind of sports I have started, and I am sure I will continually evaluate if  they are the best thing for my little family. Because what is good and better things may not be the Best for my children and my family.
Good, Better, Best

Little boy

Just a quick update..........
The results came back that our little boy is low risk for DS.
Now I need a name for the little guy. Husband and I are still trying to find a name that we both love. We have a couple in the mix.

Little

I cannot for the life of me get my pictures to upload on blogger anymore.
I have tried to write different post about 20 times now and every time the picture part freezes up.
So this will be a wordy post, unless for some miracle my photos decide to work with me.


I am expecting baby boy number 3.Thats right. We only make boys around here.  Right now I am 23 weeks and sick with allergies that feel like phenomena.
 I started showing much faster with this pregnancy. I thought for sure there were two in there because I was so huge. Then one day I just stopped growing. I've not gained an excessive amount of weight this time, which I would be proud of but I know its due to the fact that I could barely eat anything well after 16 weeks. I am having lots of pelvic pain far sooner that the last two boys also. I've come to learn that for me I will experience everything sooner and longer than I did with the boys.
I admit I was really wanting a girl to add to this boy dominant family. However I didn't cry when they told me it was a boy. I've got a name I am trying to get J to agree to and hopefully soon I can tell the world!
This time we had a bit of a scare with the baby. After hearing he was a boy, my doctor showed me a ultra sound picture of his heart. He said "here are the four chambers of his heart, they are developed nicely. However, do you see the white spots on his heart? One in this chamber and one in this chamber?" I looked and could see the two white spots he was talking about. One was easier to see than the other. Then Dr. Phol proceeded to tell me how this could be absolutely nothing, it could go away all on its own, or this could be something as serious as a hole in his heart and its also a marker for Down Syndrome.
Well Down Syndrome didn't and doesn't scare me as much as a hole in his little heart. I have two nieces with DS. I see their potential and I know how difficult times can be with them. Yet I know the joy they can bring also. That I could handle. But Doctors rushing my baby into surgery right away worried me.
Last week I went to see a specialist. The fist thing she did was go straight to his heart and say "yep, it's still there."  What is still there? A hole? A marker for DS? Just noting to worry about? She couldn't say and went on with the amazing 3D ultra sound. He is so cute!!
Later the Dr. came in and told me there was no hole in his heart! Yippieeeee!! However he still has the marker for DS. We talked about the Harmony blood test which my sister in law Jamie had already told me about. Its the newest test on the market for detecting DS. It is non invasive and is only a blood test. It is 99.99% accurate at detecting DS. So I did it, and I am waiting for the phone call to tell me if my baby is typical or not. Either way he is special to me and will be loved for his extra chromosomes or lack thereof.
I've only prayed that I may be able to handle this baby and all his needs no matter what they may be. Because I know far to well now you don't have to have a child with special needs to have children  with special circumstances and needs. Joseph has been diagnosed with Sensory Processing and Daniel has major feeding issues and speech delay most of his toddlerhood. Even if he is typical he will have all of his own needs for me to help him with too.

wait a minute mister postman.

Dear Jane,
I just sealed up your letter and will drop it off with the postman tomorrow.
Hope you feel what I felt while I wrote to you. I've prayed long and hard that you will except my letter, because it's from your son.
Rebecca